All other blogs are stupid...

The "bloggerverse" (what a stupid word) sucks. I've only been doing this blogging thing for a couple of months and I already have funnier and more interesting stuff than most of these useless assholes. I don't care how your date went last night or any other stupid boring crap about your skanky love life.

And I HATE political blogs. Ninety percent of them are little more than links to stories on other sites, which in turn have a shitload of links to some of the same links on other sites. Why don't you just call it a "link page to my hero Noam Chomsky in hopes that he'll let me suck his cock someday?"

You're all wasting valuable bandwidth. Make room for those of us who deserve to narcissistically vent our opinions to audiences who can't get enough of us. Kind of like they think about my penis.

Married Mormon guys are pussies

Every week (OK, almost every week), I sit in my Priesthood quorum looking at the woeful souls all around me who are wishing that someone or something would come and take away their miserable lives. Hardly any of them miss a chance to tell me how much they wish they were still single like me. I used to hate it when guys said that, but ever since I've been going to a family ward I'm starting to realize how lucky I am.

Disenfranchised Mormon women are fond of labeling the LDS church as "oppressive" towards women. I don't know what church they went to, but I see the exact opposite. A young LDS couple is easy to spot: she's wearing a miniskirt and thigh-high boots and strutting around like she's the Queen Shit of the Celestial Kingdom, while hubby, the so-called patriarch of the home, is meekly following behind, holding two or three screaming brats and the usual bagful of toys and crackers that so many Mormon parents futilely use to shut their stupid screaming offspring up rather than giving them a good swat on the side of the head.

But it doesn't stop there. Testimony meeting is less about testimonies of God and the church and more of a suck-up session for p-whipped Mormon husbands to get up and express their gratitude (???) for their skanky wives who "keep them on the straight and narrow." In other words, working three jobs at the same time their wives bitch about how "this is not what I thought marriage was going to be like." What did you expect it to be like, bitch? Try giving your husband a little support rather than just complain. I find it interesting that I hardly ever hear women get up and praise their husbands. Why should they? They rule the roost and they know it.

Here's something I can't understand. Why would a married woman go to church dressed like a skank? Who are they trying to impress? They already have their slave. I'm like the only single guy in the ward, so I doubt they're trying to impress me. If I was married, I know I would be pissed off if my wife went out in public dressed like that. These guys need to stand up and put their feet down about this bullshit.

Oh, but if they were to do so, I guess they'd fulfil the sterotype of Mormon men being so mean and patriarchal, wouldn't they? Screw that -- I'd say put your clothes on, you can have the privilege of taking them off in front of me when we get home, after you bake me a pie.